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He honestly might not know or might not recognize the degree to which your hurt by certain words. But if you do decide to take that risk and be vulnerable, I believe you’ll gain a lot of clarity that will benefit you the most in the long run, in my opinion.Īlso, as far as using words that are offensive, tell him why you’re offended, instead of just calling him out.
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Keep those in check.Īll of this said, in the age of information, the onerous is definitely not on you to educate the ignorant. You might have been conditioned a certain way and retain certain biases as well. Someone making an effort consistently means something. If he responds to your vulnerability with empathy and effort to improve the parts of himself or the relationship that can be fixed, allow that to outweigh the momentary sting of pain. How he responds to that will give you a good idea of the longevity of the relationship. Be vulnerable and honest with your fears and also, when you’re hurt, speak on it and tell him why you’re hurt. Take on the mentality that your partner was raised in a completely different environment and there will probably definitely be several moments when you’ll be able to notice the difference.ĭon’t call him out, that only shuts down dialogue call him in. I completely empathize with your fear, but don’t allow the fear of pain to take a good thing away. I’m just scared that things like this will always always happen and like I can talk about these things but during very sensitive moments for both of us, I’m wondering if I should always call him out. Cause he was voicing his own concerns but I was like “damn boy you can’t just say negro without a book or some shit in front of you”.
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Like recently we were talking about the possibility that you don’t know who is actually racist around you and he said something along the lines of “yeah I’m scared of that especially when you asked about my parents cause I don’t know what they say in their free time, if they’re calling african American people negros or something” and I couldn’t even say anything. I’m very very anxious about what I will say when he says something racist. (Edit for ages: I’m 22, he’s 24) I just began dating this guy and he’s very sweet and cute and funny.
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